I wanted to write you a break-up poem
Spill tubs of ice cream on to paper
With a rom-com lighting up my computer screen with a laugh track
Knowing you’d never call back
So I can pretend that I am the protagonist of the life I’m living
Instead of just the asshole compiling her eulogy
And I thought that we would fight constantly
Pull the car off to the side of the road where we could get out and still have doors to slam
Shut-up each others arguments with witty cracks on our downfalls
Faulting nights we didn’t want to share a bed
The I love yous I never said
And the ones you said too much
I am sad I love you I am busy I love you I am falling out of love with you I love you still
Because you know that all love is scarred by every skin we’ve ever touched.
And I live to blame you for making me love you so much that I cannot leave.
Yeah, ‘cause I have been your first impression Thanksgiving disaster
Announcing that I am straight edge between courses of casserole
After snorting power from straight razors
I have been your 4 AM cup of coffee, black
Attacked with mental illness so fluid I’ve gotten speeding tickets on a bicycle
And I’ve called you at the crack of dawn from places I’ve never been.
I get the blues so bad I think death is less serious than losing my favorite pen
And I have been your zero-hit writing blog
Popping poetry into silences so violent one day they will tip over our table for two
I have been your mirror
wiping water out of my eyes upon looking you in the face
I have been your footrace
Making you want to run someplace else and think fast
Because the world is big, but it’s still too small to ever call you a foreigner
So I speak your language when I say that
I have been your everything bad
And you are still mine
And I hate you for forgiving me, every time
And I know that one day you’re going to stop holding doors open for me,
Because I only know how to close them.
So I will be your final break-up poem when you are ready to write it
But I will also be yours when I am ready to admit it.